7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:7NIV
Anxiety caused by overwhelming thoughts or feelings is a weird kind of fear. Let’s break it down. In my case, I’ve been getting a paralyzing anxiety from overwhelming tasks that feel impossible to tackle. My heart begins to aggressively beat out of my chest; it feels like I can’t move. Then, the stress begins to cause my body to feel like it’s shutting down, leaving me with no other option but to pause and take a nap, hoping my body will relax a bit. This kind of stress, anxiety, and overwhelming feeling isn’t in God’s plan for my life. So where does it come from?
I’m sure there are deep-rooted issues that I need to work on that are the main source, but let’s look at what I know now. I’m a perfectionist. I want everything done the right way, done at the right time, and the way I expect it to be. Sometimes, my expectations for myself aren’t achievable, and this causes me great stress and anxiety. Sometimes, what I need to get done is so many daunting tasks that I feel stressed, overwhelmed, and paralyzed, unable to even attempt the task.
I suppose at the end of the day, my standard for myself is to be a perfectionist, but because I’m not a perfect person, I fall short every day. Because I fall short every day, this then adds to my stress by planting a seed in my subconscious that I’m not good enough. This then causes me to panic and stress. At least, this is seemingly one issue in the puzzle.
I know this is an issue because every time a mistake, problem, or issue is brought up about me, it causes me great stress, anxiety, and overwhelmness, and then, after a little while of these feelings, depression begins to sink in. It’s this continuous cycle that I’ve been stuck in for years. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve been chipping away at it, but until I can truly figure out the source of the issue, I’ll only be able to chop down the tree every time it shoots up.
While we don’t all struggle with anxiety and depression, we all struggle with something that pulls us back continuously. Something that we constantly have to battle and fight to overcome so that we can be free from it. This was never the plan, but it is the reality. So, what can we do? We bring it to God. We chip away at it until we get to the root of the issue.
Dear LORD, search me. Show me the source of my struggle. Show me the source of what is holding me back. Then please, LORD, show me how to uproot that source of my struggle and help me to remove it from my life forever so that nothing can keep me from the life You’ve planned for me. Please wrap me in Your love. Please fill me with Your peace. Please help me to overcome through You. In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen.